Wow, here’s something you don’t see every day.

I heard this weird noise in the sky, like a really slow loud helicopter. I nearly jumped out of my shoes when I looked up and saw this thing.

Here’s a shot Patti Meyer sent me.

Betina Koontz sent me this one.

This one I took in our back yard.

I haven’t been this excited since the Phillies won the World Series in 2008.

Well folks, this is already old news, but I just thought I’d post it for the historic record. Here’s the score.

Ian Shaw 295, Mike Miller 118, Stacy Link 258, Leo Keenan 210, Debbie Ellis 206, Anna Carter 187, John Ellis 141, and Joe Moltz 136.

Best of luck to Mike Miller and Chris True, who will no longer be  part of town government. Welcome, Stacy, and welcome back, Debbie.

Here’s the story in the Carroll County Times.

And if you’re wondering what happened to all the election questions and a couple of the articles about the election, I hid them. Maybe they’ll reappear someday, but it’s not likely.

I’m not sure exactly what easy peasy means, but here’s what former town council head Jeannie Nichols thinks about who you should vote for.

Easy peasy, I am voting for Ian Shaw – enthusiastic, actually would like being mayor, likes working with people, and is respectful of other’s opinions.

Debby Ellis – truly brilliant, has been on the council before (we served together) knows the budget numbers, been to almost ever council meeting in the last four years and takes NOTES!

John Ellis – also been to almost every council meeting in the last four years, long time volunteer, tech savvy, enthusiastic.

Stacy Link – forward thinking, enthusiastic, smart, dedicated to the older part of town and has boundless energy.

We need to have a vision and look forward into the future. We have the potential in town to thrive in the future but this will not happen unless the council is not afraid to do what is right and not just what is politically correct at the moment.

Oh, man, it’s time to vote for town council, and I’m kind of stumped. The problem is they all seem so nice. They all seem so qualified and dedicated and truly concerned about the town. They all volunteer their time and do good things.

What is wrong with these people?

Why isn’t anyone fighting? Why can’t we have a big war over big issues like basketball hoops or the post office or…something…anything? Jeez, this race is friendly to the point of boredom. Who knows, maybe we’ll even get to vote without someone sitting in the corner to make sure we don’t cheat.

But still, despite what might look like a lack of controversy and big issues and big differences between the candidates, you should vote. Let the winners feel like they won something. Let them have a sense of accomplishment and a bit of a mandate to do whatever it is they say they’re going to do. Being on Sykesville’s town council is not exactly a cushy job. It’s basically volunteer work.

I’d love to be on town council, if it wouldn’t require me attending meetings twice a month for almost no money, making decisions, and getting hated by people for things I might not even do.

So let’s look at some ways you can divide up your votes.

First you could go with sex.

Sex is always a good option. For instance, you could vote for all males, or if you’re like me, and partial to females, you could vote for all females. Right now the council has only one woman, poor Julia Betz. Doesn’t she need some female companionship? Don’t we all?

Do we really need six old boring guys and one lady again? I’m leaning toward voting all women, in other words, Anna Carter, Stacy Link, and Debbie Ellis. I think they’d be terrific.

Plus, it would be a first. Unless I’m missing something, never in the history of Sykesville has the council had more women than men. Isn’t it about time?

Give the women a chance. I bet they’d create a much more interesting, warm, and inviting town than a bunch of guys.

But then there’s this.

One candidate is named John Ellis and one is named Debbie Ellis, and it turns out they’re married. Now these are really smart people. I’ve heard Debbie described as brilliant. Of course, it was her husband who said it, but still.

Do we really want to split up a married couple? Once again, if I’m not mistaken, we would have a first. Our first married council members. But, on the other hand, would this actually be good for their marriage?

Well, I’m still leaning female, but is it really fair to base all my decisions on sex? I mean, sure, in my twenties, but I’m older now.

So let’s look at the guys. But not too closely. And remember, if you vote for them, you’ll have to stare at them for four years (or I should say four more in the case of Leo Keenan), and this assumes you actually attend council meetings, which you don’t, but if you did, imagine what you’d be facing.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I do like the guys, and in fact, Leo Keenan provides me with a particular problem by not being a woman. I like his answers to our questions on the blog. In fact, it looks like Joe Moltz likes Leo’s answers, too.

Leo’s a generous guy. He’s been doing the council gig for something like six years now without accepting a cent, which means he’s given up about 12 grand.

He’s nuts.

Believe me, if I’m on the council, I’m taking the money. That 12 grand’s a semester at McDaniel, where my daughter is starting in the fall and which I have no idea how I’m affording.

But here’s the other thing. Sometimes I write things for the Carroll County Times and Westminster Patch. And when you write the things I write in the county where I write them, you make enemies. Sometimes psychotic. Sometimes you make enemies who absolutely hate your guts and sneak up at a public meeting at Carroll Community College and hiss into your ear, “Mr. White, Mr. White, when you least expect it, expect it.”

Which if you’re a mild-mannered, frightened guy like me, who also happens to receive 89 pages of hate mail the week before the threat (three stuffed envelopes full of pictures of Obama with monkey ears and a tail and the words socialist, Marxist, Fascist, liberal, and Nazi sprinkled liberally throughout), well you get a little intimidated, and you go to a lawyer about taking the woman who threatened you to court, and the lawyer is Leo Keenan and he gives you good advice and charges you no money, and you owe him.

So how can I vote for three women, when Leo is clearly not a woman?

Now since I’ve spent all this time on Leo, I should mention Joe Moltz and John Ellis, and ideology. Leo Keenan is not an ideologue. I hate ideologues. Mayor Miller has an ideology. He is, in case you haven’t heard, a fiscal conservative. This means that he’s not allowed to think. He must consult the ideology and then make the decisions that the ideology dictates, and the ideology dictates that under no circumstances can you consider spending money, even for a few signs to support your campaign.

I’m a practical guy. I think you look at problems and solve them. I don’t think you consult the fiscal conservative rule book first.

But I could vote ideology.

I’m sure that if I were to look at the personal politics of the candidates, I would line up well with Stacy Link, Debbie Ellis, and John Ellis. So in a purely ideological world, that’s who I would vote for, and I would still get two women. Figuratively speaking.

Which has nothing to do with Joe Moltz. I like Joe, and although some of his answers were along the lines of “I agree with what Leo said,” he also gave some good, well-considered answers. And like Ian Shaw and Stacy Link, he took the time to have a movie made at the Carroll County media center, and at least one sign put out on the roads.

And he answered a lot of my questions. Even the dumb ones. In fact, I think he’s the only person to answer my rock star question, and fortunately, he didn’t pick Elvis as the star he’d most like to be.

He picked Buddy Holly. I thought that was an inspired choice. Unfortunately he came back later and also chose Neil Diamond, which cancelled Buddy Holly right out. Joe, Neil Diamond? Come on, man.

Joe’s a train guy. I like train guys. I love the sound of the train’s distant whistle when I’m lying in bed at night trying to figure out how to pay for college.

I have fond memories of trains and Christmas. We had these big trains that ran around a platform beneath our tree. One year I got the Ziggy Stardust 8-track. I can still hear Bowie screaming. “Five years, my brain hurts a lot, five years, that’s all we’ve got.” Humanity is dying, you see.

I can still see our train running through the little plastic town with the little plastic post office and little plastic diner and little plastic people waiting at the little plastic train station, like a little plastic Sykesville in the forties, and the transformer smells and sometimes the trains fall and a plastic person dies, and my brother shoots me in the back of the head with a rubber tipped arrow.

Joe’s main problem, besides Neil Diamond, is that he’s gotten himself embroiled in the post office controversy. He said some things the post office ladies didn’t like. I love the post office ladies, but that doesn’t mean I can’t like Joe, too. So despite the Neil Diamond thing, and despite that he’s not a woman and that he’s got enemies, I still think Joe would make a fine councilman.

Now, I really can’t say much about John Ellis. Unfortunately, he didn’t answer any of my questions, which I don’t take personally, and actually, I think he did answer one, pointing out that he’s been doing the town website free for many years. And I have a feeling he and I agree on most things, and I would be happy to vote for him, even if it might have damaging effects on his marriage. I just don’t know him.

Anyway, I’m not voting based solely on sex. I’m not voting based solely on ideology. I think I’m voting for Leo Keenan because he did me a favor. Maybe that’s shallow, but that’s how I operate.

And being as I just admitted to being shallow, I will base my other two votes on sex, because I would like at least three women on the town council, which means I’m down to Stacy Link, Debbie Ellis, and Anna Carter.

We All Live in a Yellow Submarine

Of the three, I know Anna the least. She’s new here. But I definitely am not ruling her out. You see, I’ve been a huge Beatles fan since I heard “She Loves You” on the jukebox while playing pinball in Philadelphia when I was 9. Man, that song. It was like getting splashed with happiness.

So what does Anna have to do with the Beatles? The Yellow Submarine, man. You see, she and her husband have a business called Undersea Outfitters on Main Street. I buy all my oxygen tanks and snorkels there, and they either own, rent, or…I don’t know. They have something to do with a yellow submarine. It’s a tiny, one-person sub, and I saw it parked behind their place once, and anyone cool enough to either own or be closely associated with a yellow submarine is worth being on Sykesville’s town council.

Plus, Anna complimented one of my history stories. Plus my youngest daughter’s name is Anna, my grandmom’s name was Anna, and Anna Karenina was named Anna, which means Anna Carter is either named after my grandmom or a major character in a Tolstoy novel, who threw herself in front of a train.

(Just to make clear, it was Anna Karenina, not my grandmom, who threw herself in front of a train. My grandpop did once throw my grandmom in front of a train, but he threw her too hard and she landed on the platform on the other side. She didn’t talk to him for a week.)

So, as you can see, I’m down with Tolstoy, the Beatles, and Annas. And with “we all live in a yellow submarine” playing in my head, and starting to get annoying, I’m seriously considering voting for Anna Carter. She’s nice. Nice matters.

But is that fair to Debbie or Stacy, neither of whom has any direct association with the Beatles? (Perhaps I should vote for my friend Linda Dore, who follows Paul McCartney around in an RV. Unfortunately she’s not running.)

The Phillies Hat Gets the Vote

Well, maybe it’s not fair. And the fact is, I’m already voting for Stacy. It’s the Phillies hat, you see.

It turns out that among a lot of other appealing characteristics, Stacy grew up a bit of a tomboy and a huge baseball fan in a very small Pennsylvania town, and like Stacy, who grew up studying, memorizing, and quoting the batting averages, ERAs and other stats of Pittsburgh Pirates, I did the same with the Philadelphia Phillies.

Stacy was a Pirates fan. I should hate her for that. Back in the late seventies, the Pirates and Phillies had a huge rivalry. When the Pirates won the World Series in 1979, I seriously considered filling my pockets with rocks and wading out into the Delaware, like Virginia Wolfe.

When the Phillies won it in 1980, I danced for three days straight. Finally my ex-wife, Lisa, hired someone from the Philadelphia zoo to shoot me with one of those tranquilizer darts they use on overexcited elephants. They had to hit me three times.

Anyway, when Stacy played shortstop in little league, she was on the Phillies and forced to wear a Phillies hat. And she looked quite good in it. And since the Phillies have been a dominant team in recent times, and the Pirates have been feeble forever, I’m not going to hold the Pirates against her.

Stacy made a nice video. Stacy is knocking on doors. Stacy has cute little signs with gold lettering. Stacy isn’t one of us rich suburban subdivision dwellers living in the big houses. She’s renovating an old blue thing that’s been in Sykesville forever. She’s working hard for the town. She’s possessed with the spirit of Sykesville. I’m voting for Stacy.

So it’s down to Debbie or Anna.

I already told you why I love Anna. We all live in a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine, etc.

Ah, but Debbie. Debbie was on the council before. Debbie is brilliant, and it’s not just her husband who says so. I’ve got it from other very reliable sources, and I’ve seen it with my own eyes.

I’ve seen her speak her mind at town council meetings. I’ve heard her state in articulate and impassioned tones her support for the post office and the women who ran it and did so much for our town.

She’s smart. She’s dedicated. She’s tough. She’s cool. She’ll provide a certain intellect and balance that the town council needs. She’ll make a fine replacement for Chris True. She will be excellent.

I can be bought.

So that’s my story folks. Call me shallow, but I’m voting for Leo, Stacy, and either Anna or Debbie, whichever one sends me a stuffed envelope with 300 bucks between now and Tuesday. If they both send me 300, I’m dumping Leo.

Everyone who’s running is making a sacrifice. Everyone who’s running deserves to win. Only three can. I wish them all luck and thank them for answering some of my questions and keeping it all clean and positive.

Happy Monday.

While sipping and sometimes gulping too much wine at yesterday’s festival, I came across Wiley Purkey, painting by the fountain. Wiley and I are on opposite ends of the political spectrum, but somehow or another we seem to get along just swell. Anyway, he asked if he could endorse some candidates, and I said, “Sure.” So here’s what Wiley has to say.

Wiley Purkey

While attending the Sykesville Art and Wine Festival Sunday, I was thinking about the election on Tuesday, May 7th. There I sat on a bench chosen by former Mayor Jonathan Herman, in a park he supported, in front of a fountain that he designed, looking at the Old Main Line Visitors Center that he supported, at the train station that he oversaw the renovation of, at the McElroy parking lot, his own restored home on Norwood Ave., and the Norwood Mansion that he restored, and I was struck by how important it is to have true leadership qualities in our Mayor.

Sykesville has been experiencing a dark period for the last four years. It has been stagnant at best. After all of the progress that had been made during Mayor Herman’s administration, we have been subjected to four years of ideas like closing the Post Office, closing the Gate House Museum of History, selling off the Little Sykes Railway, selling the Train Station building, and so many other bad ideas, and it is quite frustrating for those of us that helped build all of these amenities to hear the constant din of defeatism and “head in the budgetary sand” leadership.

When all ideas are measured by the cost of implementing them, nothing happens. I know if I really measured how much it costs me to produce art for sale at festivals like these, and the hidden costs of attending them, I would most likely never leave the house.

I spoke at length during the festival to Stacy Link, who serves on the Historic District Commission, lives in the Historic District, and serves on the Main Street Committee. I spoke at length to Debbie and John Ellis whose contributions to the town have been years of selfless devotion to the town.

I also spoke to Ian Shaw about the need for inspired leadership, and the value of having a plan for the town to move out of the dark ages, and found that he has grown in his term on the council, and has come to understand the value of these things.

In conclusion, I am endorsing Ian Shaw for Mayor, along with Stacy Link, and Debbie and John Ellis for Town Council positions. This is a good beginning towards having a council that will work with the Mayor to get things moving again. And in two years, it will be time again to replace anyone that will not work towards that end.

Vote on Tuesday, Ian Shaw, Stacy Link, Debbie Ellis, John Ellis.

Care to issue an endorsement, get in touch at staff@sykesvilleonline.com.

Well, apparently the Carroll County media center offered the candidates a chance to create a short video. Three of them took them up on the offer, so here they are in alphabetical order.

Here’s Stacy Link, council candidate

Here’s Joe Moltz, council candidate

Here’s Ian Shaw, candidate for mayor

Just held up the phone camera and snapped.

Well, Barkley isn’t the only one who liked Corporal Lewis. I thought I’d share some of the nice things people said. Apparently he had some other skills, like breaking into trucks (to help people), feeding the dogs of random citizens, and hugging very sad postal workers.

Here you go, Dave. (I don’t think Dave’s on Facebook.)

Patti Meyer

Oh no!! He was the best one there. I’m so sad to hear this…

He helped me last year, when I locked my keys in my truck at the Convenience Store. I asked him to give me a ride home, but he said wait a second, I can get your truck open for you. He did, in record time!

HUGE loss for this town police department, whatever the circumstances. There will never be another that cared as much for the people and this town, and was always a professional. Wonderful story.

I’ve had many contacts with Dave since he became an officer for our town, and believe me, he will be deeply missed. He is the most kind, caring and compassionate person the town police department has ever had. Check out the museum in the PD, his doing. Look at the mannequin in the PD lobby, dressed in my father’s old uniform, his doing. When my Mother was living in town, and we had to call an ambulance for her, if Dave was working, he was there to make sure she was ok and to see if we needed his help with anything. My Mom would also call the PD in her later years, and he always responded and assisted her the best he could. Once, he even ran the rabbits out of her garden for her! What a loss for this town. Dave, I’ll miss seeing you. I hope I never have to call for town police assistance, because if you aren’t there, I don’t want anyone!!! Much love and good luck to you in whatever you move on to…. Patti & Marty

Connie McKay

Dave Lewis’ leaving is truly a great loss to Sykesville. As all have attested here, he cares about people (and animals). He used to visit us at the OML Visitor Center Post Office just to check on our well-being. His demeanor was that of interest and caring. He exuded security and always with a light-hearted sense of humor. He was on duty the day we handed in our letters of resignation to the town. He hugged each one of us and said that he didn’t want us to go. I wish we could have been there last week so that we could have hugged him and said, “Dave, we don’t want you to go.”

Erin Boline

I’m so sad to hear this! Not long ago I was walking my dogs on a very blustery day down Springfield Ave. when he pulled up next to us, got out of his police SUV, and dug around the back of his truck for doggie treats! Also, for the past three years I have enjoyed seeing him high-five all the kids in the cross-walk as I do the carpool drive.

Stacie Sanzone

Corporal Lewis will be missed! He was a great asset to Sykesville.

Chuck Pribulik

He was a very helpful Police Officer.

We lived in Sykesville apartment for about 7 years and had great help from a the Police in Sykesville, MD, THANKS.

Sharon Tringali

On no!!! Dave will be very missed. I am very sad to hear of this. I don’t know what to say except, Dave, if you read this… Thank you for your service and dedication all these years. I miss you already.

Jim Dore

Farewell, Cpl. Lewis, and thank you for your service. You were part of what makes Sykesville such a great place.

Barkley

I love that guy.

Mullet Man

I hate that guy.

“What I’ll miss most is doing the school crossings and getting all the high fives from the kids.”

Corporal Dave Lewis of the Sykesville Police

Well, just when things were looking up for Barkley, our arthritic dog, Dave Lewis resigned from the Sykesville police force. It happened about a week ago and Barkley is not happy.

When Barkley talks, he sounds just like Dug in the movie Up.

Barkley says, “This is awful, Jack. I loved Dave Lewis. He liked dogs. He even liked people. I am going to be depressed all month, Jack.”

So we’re upping Barkley’s Dogzac.

Now, if you’re unsure why Barkley is so fond of Corporal Lewis, maybe you missed our story about the suddenly missing picnic table at Warfield. One day it was there, next day it was in the lake, depriving Barkley of one of his favorite pastimes, lifting his leg and marking the bench in various places with his scent.

A couple days after it mysteriously vanished, it mysteriously returned. Then we received this note.

Barkley,
Best I can do. Beer cans are all cleaned up, the suspected bong (wrapping for one of the new trees, as it turns out) recovered and disposed of. And with a lot of assistance from the police department’s new AWD SUV cruiser and a tow cable, the pic-a-nic table is back up where you can pee on it without getting your feet wet. Or Jack can.

So Corporal Lewis had gone in and gotten the bench out.

The Mullet Man

Dave and I first got acquainted during the famous mullet man incident. As you may recall, a semi-naked man in chicken feathers, leather pants, riding boots, and an orange mullet, terrorized the area around Kalorama and Harlan Lane recently with a bad haircut and a knife, drawing cops from all over, including the Sykesville police. When someone made a crack about Barney and Andy, Dave took offense and took it out on me.

I apologized and we made friends. And really, getting compared to Andy is actually a compliment. Barney on the other hand, well…

The Police Man

Dave declined my interview offer, but did tell me by email that, among lots of other things, he’s a proud member of the Joyful Ringers Handbell Choir, which tells you something about the guy.

He’s been with the Sykesville Police since November of 2003, which means he wasn’t the one who gave me the ticket for parking the wrong way the very day we moved into town.

And of course, being a professional policeman isn’t just about setting speed traps, apprehending crazed men with orange mullets, and giving tickets for parking your car in the wrong direction. During his time here, he’s handled a lot of sad, dangerous, and serious stuff.

“Accidental deaths, sudden infant deaths, natural deaths, suicides, cars hit by trains, people hit by trains, dogs hit by trains. Domestics, burglaries, water main breaks, robberies, thefts, animal complaints, DUIs, neighbor disputes, assaults, vandalisms, all kinds of traffic accidents.”

And memorable recent incidents like these in which he:

• Investigated and closed a hit and run at the Big Belly Deli, using a security system he installed. (Dave’s wife works at Big Belly.)
• Investigated and closed a Robbery at the Quick Stop, where the clerk was badly beaten with a baseball bat.
• Investigated and closed a $10,000 plus theft of copper pipe from the Warfield Complex.
• Investigated and closed the case of an Improvised Explosive Device (bottle bomb).
• Investigated and closed the theft of a wheelchair from a paraplegic. Recovered the stolen wheelchair.
• Successfully subdued and apprehended a suicidal subject with a loaded, cocked .44 magnum revolver held to his temple.
• Investigated and apprehended an attempted first-degree murder suspect.
• Pulled a picnic table out of a pond, so a dog wouldn’t hate all of mankind.

Dave worked 27 years as a policeman in Montgomery County before coming to Sykesville, where he served as fleet manager, firearms instructor, taser instructor, crime scene processor, first-line supervisor, training coordinator, IT manager, and property and evidence technician.

And of course, you’ve probably seen him swinging his baton and patrolling Main Street on foot, or giving high fives to tweens near the Sykesville Middle School, following in the long tradition of Sykesville policemen past, including Patty Meyer’s father, Millard Cooper, who they named the park after. Kids used to try to steal the bullets from policeman Cooper’s belt at that same spot.

Here’s an abbreviated list of Dave’s accomplishments during his years in Sykesville. It kind of goes on forever, so I cut it just to give you a taste.

• Donated and installed speakers in all the rooms of the station. Wired them for police radio. Donated and installed an audio/video security system at the station.
• Donated and installed 11 of the 13 station computers. Set up the network system.
• Arranged for the donation of two Segways, three tasers, and a golf cart that he painted black and white for use on the Linear Trail, also arranged the donation of a 4-wheel-drive ATV.
• Replaced the aging Sig Sauer duty weapons with current Glock pistols.
• Maintained and displayed the Sykesville Police Department’s 1957 Ford.
• Worked the Fall Festivals and all the movie shoots in Town. Attended all National Night Outs, on his own time. (His wife drives the ’57 police car, he drives the current police car.)
• Represented the department at all American Legion memorials and all Catherine’s Cause events (Survivors of DUI-related deaths).
• Worked the Special Olympics and Breast Cancer events.
• Initiated and ran the annual Sykesville Gun-Turn-In Program.

When Dave got mad about the mullet man, he said, “If you stop and think about a small group of police officers doing their best to improve the quality of life in their town, for very little pay; perhaps Sykesville and Mayberry aren’t so different, after all.”

I don’t really think Sykesville’s very much like Mayberry. For instance, find me Gomer Pyle or that idiot, Goober, with that ridiculous hat. But it’s really not such a bad comparison, in some ways, and the corporal sort of embodied the small-town spirit of Sykesville, and did it in a quiet way that probably very few people noticed.

Except Barkley, and he’s not actually a person. Thanks to Dave’s efforts, Barkley was able to say, “I was wrong, Jack. Humans don’t suck.”

And Dave hasn’t forgotten Barkley, either. The other day he sent me an email.

“Oh, yeah, Jack. For Barkley, try Cosequin. Used to have to get it from the vet, but you can get it local now. It’s made in-state and it’s a miracle drug for joint problems. It prevents and/or fixes problems. I used it on my K-9 dog and both my GSD’s I have now.”

He left a message for the town, too.

“I was honored to be allowed to serve the citizens in and around the Town of Sykesville for the past ten years. I hope I was able to support the Sykesville Police Department’s motto, ‘Making a Difference.’ I will miss you all.”

Barkley says, “We’ll miss you, too, Dave.”

I’m thinking we should do something in his honor. Maybe after the election, the town council can name the Warfield picnic bench for him.

Something fancy like “The Corporal Dave Lewis Dog Peeing Station and Picnic Table.”

They named a park after Millard Cooper. Doesn’t Dave Lewis at least deserve a Dog Peeing Station?

Barkley says, “Jack, Jack, it’s back.”

“Why I’ll be darned,” I say.

He says, “Can I pee on it, Jack?”

I say, “Certainly, Barkley.”

He says, “Would you like to go first?”

I say, “No, that’s okay.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, you see, they might arrest me for that.”

“Okay,” says Barkley, “Would you mind not taking a picture?”

So I lower my camera and Barkley raises his leg.

When he’s finished, Barkley says, “How did this happen, Jack? How did the picnic table come back?”

“Well,” I say, “I believe a man named Corporal Dave Lewis of the Sykesville police had something to do with it. He sent you a letter.”

And then I read the letter to Barkley.

Barkley,
Best I can do. Beer cans are all cleaned up, the suspected bong (wrapping for one of the new trees, as it turns out) recovered and disposed of. And with a lot of assistance from the police department’s new AWD SUV cruiser and a tow cable, the pic-a-nic table is back up where you can pee on it without getting your feet wet. Or Jack can.
I can’t change A-hole’s behavior, but I hope this helps.
P.S., Dad was right, there was more than one of them. That joker is HEAVY !

Barkley says, “I was wrong, Jack. Humans don’t suck.”

“Only some,” I say. “The trick is not to be one of them.”

Barkley’s not the strongest of dogs. He has some kind of disorder and when he doesn’t take steroids, he can hardly walk. The steroids aren’t good for him and are probably shortening his life, but as long as he takes them he’s pretty much okay.

And sometimes, like today, really happy, with his faith restored in humanity, he gets back the old strength in his legs and makes a mighty leap.

He’s a noble old fella.