Sykesville Gets a TARDIS

by Jack White on May 18, 2014

What the heck is that strange little box on Main Street? Is it the Sykesville Snog box? Is it a TARDIS? Is the Doctor having a crêpe at the French Twist?

tardis1

It’s a pretty lame excuse for a TARDIS by the way. I mean this is a TARDIS.

annastardis

Okay, actually that’s Anna’s bedroom door, and a work in progress, but it looks more like a TARDIS than this thing.

And besides, the TARDIS is supposed to be bigger on the inside. This thing is actually smaller on the inside.

tardis3

In fact, it looks like a phone booth from an era and a country where people were thin, except someone ripped out the phone.

Why would you put a phoneless phone booth in the middle of Sykesville if it’s not actually a time machine? Granted Sykesville does appear to be somewhere else in time, but be that as it may, why would you put a phone anywhere, when everyone walking the streets is staring into a phone every second of every day and never stops unless they walk into a tree, fall down a manhole, get sucked into a pocket universe, or get run over? Which is what they deserve.

The phone booth is a thing of the past, like thin people, which brings me back to my TARDIS theory. Now if you don’t know what a TARDIS is, TARDIS stands for time and relative dimension in space, and it’s the vehicle the wonderful Doctor uses to move through time and space in Doctor Who. But why would the Doctor come to Sykesville, and why would his TARDIS be so skinny?

Needless to say, I investigated further and couldn’t help notice that the wording was wrong.

tardis4

What the heck is Bell System Telephone? But setting that aside for a minute, I’m going to assume, perhaps erroneously, that the town itself, feeling we needed another dash of pleasant quirkiness, actually chose to locate this thinned-down pseudo-TARDIS on Main Street. And without asking bothersome questions of the town or Ivy Wells or someone who might actually know, especially since it was Mother’s Day, I decided to figure it out for myself.

Well, on the side of the Sykesville TARDIS, there’s a red sign. It seems to be saying something about something coming soon that’s going to tell us what’s coming up in town. In fact, it might have mentioned an information booth. Are they actually going to have a small person in this box to tell people how to find Becks?

But it’s not that simple. Because my brain is old and my eyes are weak, I decided to take a photograph of the red sign on the side of the box so that I could go home and write down what it said, or even show you, only to discover that the box has some kind of reality distortion filter around it.

Observe.

tardis5

See? You can’t take a picture of the sign on the side of the box. See the red area in the middle, it refuses to reveal its contents. It’s almost as if I’m taking a photo of a mirror, but if it’s a mirror, where am I? Where am I?

No matter how hard I tried, the box would not let me photograph the sign that reputed to designate its purpose.

tardis6

Again, notice the red square in the middle. That’s where the information is hidden. It appears to be a reflection, but again, where am I?

Now, all of this might not be all that alarming, and I’m sure we’ll find out what’s going on. Except for one thing.

The Bad Wolf sighting. Which you can read about by scrolling up or down, depending on the strange workings of time.

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Del Greer May 19, 2014 at 10:04 pm

To be fair, that thing has a long history of a malfunctioning chameleon circuit that its primary occupant occasionally tries to fix (cf https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Logopolis). No reason a properly functioning type 40 shouldn’t be able to imitate a phone booth fairly persuasively, even allowing for a convincing illusion of an appropriate interior… That said, if you see a man with a bowtie or a celery in his lapel anytime soon and he tells you to run, I’d run.

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: